Protected: Pilgrimage: sitting with myself

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Protected: Pilgrimage – The Negative Story of Me

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Being Me.

It’s interesting to me how many status I see posted by people I know declaring how they are now doing this new thing with their understanding of themselves. Be it coming out as Gay, Trans, or perhaps a new tattoo. All of these things are to be commended. In fact, I think that each and every one of them is stupendously brave.

The funeral Of Big Bad Jon.

Many people have been asking for the text of the funeral for Big Bad Jon.

Here it is, at least, the plain words. I have added to the book in RED the parts of the book that I said, or the ad-libs that I remember. They may not be all correct, the day was a bit of a blurr. It doesn’t contain the feelings, or the laughter, or of course the tears.

The funeral was written by me entirely for the occasion*.

Funeral (Jon Scholes)

And here’s Jon, doing the sacred dance:


Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino

This was originally posted on, but that website is down as at the time of writing (22nd November, 2015). I found that the original article (quoted below) was difficult to find, and rather found many people praising, or paraphrasing the article. In order to ensure that this incredibly important piece of information is kept, I have copied it in it’s entirety from the cache. This is not my work, all rights belong to Christine Miserandino

The Spoon Theory

by Christine Miserandino (

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

Don’t Call Me Cis.

CAUTION : Post deals with issues of gender identity.

NOTE : This post is not designed in anyway to denigrate the real issues suffered by transpeople, and this post should not be read as such. It is intended as part of a series of thoughts on gender, and how it applies and affects those I know and love. If you choose to leave a comment that is derogatory to any group, it will be removed.

Over the past few weeks, gender normativity has been much on my mind, and there is likely to be a few posts around this issue over the coming weeks.

One of the things that makes me feel very uncomfortable, is the label “Cis”, for all kinds of reasons.

First, cis (meaning, litterally, “on this side of”) is a very polarising term. It suggests that, in the gender debate, the options are “Cissexual”, or “transexual”, and that there is nothing in between. It suggests that gender has gained ANOTHER binary level. You are either Cissexual, that is that your physical and mental genders have always aligned and know nothing else, or transexual, where you haven’t. This seems to me to be replacing one binary (male and female) with another binary (cissexual/transsexual), rather than approaching gender in a much more fluid and sensible way (Mimi Marinucci makes the same point, so wikipedia informs me).

Midwinter Anthology, 2014

So, for a long time now, I’ve been working on getting a small digital publishing house going. Not just as a show-case for the writing work that I do, but as a place where I can help other authors and poets get their feet out there.

This is a long process. It requires building a name for yourself, and letting people submit work. It takes mostly work from myself in laying out the books, and passing the strange digital hoops that distributors ask for. Hopefully, with each edition, I get better at it, and the process gets quicker.

For those that want to have a read of it, check out the current Midwinter Anthology on Google Play.

It’s free.

Midwinter Anthology, 2014

The Wild Sea – For Dad

The Wild Sea For Dad.

Gone beyond the wild sea,
Where foam washes the shore,
Storm-grey waters reflect your eyes.

You stand on distant inaccessible land,
the end of all journey,
Look out to the stormy horizon,
And I will look back.

Beyond the storms, Beyond the calms,
Where fair breeze blows,
Ruddying your weathered face,
Wrinkles your now-eternal smile.

Stand awatch on that shore,
Watch the horizon, and watch for me.
Once my storm is over,
Together, we shall watch the sea.

~Phil Bettinson, 20/01/2014 For Dad.

The 10 Books that have had an impacton on me

Following a Facebook Meme, I though I’d have a go at writing out which books had the biggest impact. So, for no particular reason, here they are:

1. Dragons of the Autumn Twilight, Margaret Wise and Tracy Hickman : It is very difficult to describe the impact this has, but it is the first book that changed my life. I had always been into Dragons, and high-fantasy, but I don’t remember reading anything that got me as hooked as this one did. It came free with the game based on it (something I still think we should do more of). It was designed to be read while the loading screens happened (on a ZX Spectrum, this could take several minuits). I remember that I actually got so absorbed in the book that I don’t think I played the game for more than few minuits. I then went on to read as much of the series as I could get my hands on. I remember a birthday where all I got was books from this series (The Time/War/Test of the Twins, 1 and 2 Chronicles, etc). It was epic. It was reading a book from this series that got me my first friend in Secondary School, as he was reading a collection of The Time/War/Test.