The Diseased Imaginings of a Tainted Mind
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Well, It appears that the sensible chinese have re-classified the Bible. They’ve moved it to the top shelf because of it’s violence and sexual content. Okay, so they havn’t really, and I’m just sensaonalising, much like the link above did.
Interesting thought though. The fact that if there’s a wagon, people will climb on it.
Like many people, I suppose, I mourne the loss of written letters, yet lack the impetus to write them myself. Such memories have I in electronic form, such memories delievered to me by relatives and loved ones, that I fear that these will be lost as the electronic age moves on.
Not that my life will amount to much, not that anything I have amassed in my collection is great, but more that my memory is not what it should be. These missive I place here are transient, they will be lost when the next crash occours, for I have no backup, and do not regularly export to tape (though I do have the facility).
I oft have thought that I should change, incase prosperity requires it of me, but I’m afraid to say that I doubt I will.
What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no
longer believe you.
The Illonois State Police have issued a Gun Licence to a Toddler. Yes, that’s right. a BABY.
Now, either I’ve misssed a trick somewhere… but… Seriously:
Lieutenant Scott Compton of the Illinois state cops is quoted as saying: “There is nothing in the FOID Act or any of the rules that says anything about age restrictions.”
According to the National Rifle Association, the US lobby group which campaigns against gun controls, “Illinois has some of the toughest gun laws in the country”.
The toughest? and they forgot to add that perhaps a baby might be alittle young? What about a bit of common-sense? what about the idea that you can’t drink in most states in the USA until your 21, but you can carry a gun and defned yourself before you can walk!
Americans Amaze Me.
I know I mentioned I was going, but reading the blog, it appears I never said how it went.
It went well, JL is a nice guy. We talked mostly about why I want to join the church, and what I need to do to better myself. My next meeting is on the 26th June.
Before that, I have to
So far I have managed precisely none of those.
I also, for various other reasons, need to find my driving licence, passport, and birth certificate.
Did I miss something?
You write an OS, surly, if your goign to start anywhere, File Management is going to play a big part in it. So M$ decide that it’s going to write an OS, and then make us wait 2 hours to delete stuff? Pardon?
Of course, the resulting argument is “if you think you can do better…”, well, I have often thought I could do better, though my technical skills, and complete lack of time tend to get in the way. That said, however, there is an alternative.
“Linux” (or more specificially, things like Mandrake, Ubuntu and the like) have come a long way since their inception. People complain about the problems of getting Wireless cards working under linux, but this is meerly a problem with the fact that they are not true “hardware” per-se, and most of the work is dealt with by the operating system, requiring a higher level of driver. This, in turn, means that there should be a driver for linux.
This is where you hit a snag.
Though “kernel modules” (or drivers, for you Windows Nuts) are well documented, there arn’t many vendors that actually take the time to work out how their piece of hardware will work with them. Though, saying that, I have noticed the occasionall driver arriving with a little TUX on the side of the box (probably to denote linux compatable =) ).
Where am I giong with this? well, the current “gong” that people keep banging is that F/OSS is no-where near user-friendly. Or, nowhere near ready for the market. I think that I would probably have to start disagreeing. Indeed, to that end, I plan on seeing what happens when I install FC6 onto my laptop at home, and letting a few people play with it, see how quickly they can get stuff up and running.
Though of course, that’s never the argument. The argument is normally about installing stuff. The fact that you need to be “root” to install stuff seems to confuse people. That, my friends, is just a matter of education. Infact, Fedora does a marvelous job with SUDO applications, which simply ask for the root password before you carry on.
Years Ago Microsoft’s “Manuals” used to be these thin books with simple how-to’s in them that any monkey could follow. I never really saw the point, however, what would change if Linux started shipping with some of these? small pacakges, about £10 quid, with an Installtion, and a nice “how to install, how to use” manual with it.
The rest, of course, could be found online.
You know, that’s not a bad idea. It’s published here folks, it’s my idea, hands off =).
I figured I’d put this here because all the relevant people are likely to read it. Last night I talke to my Ex-Fiance. She set me free, and at the same time, I crumbled. I realised how much I’d been hoping that there was something I could do, some way that we could fix things, I guess having it shown to me like that surprised me.
Adjusting is not going so well. A Myriad of crossing emails, and confusing questions.
It is most definately the end of an era.
I just hope the next one is just as good.
They say you can never go back, and that’s true. Though they also say that you can start again.
Gotta love it! some kid knocks together a map for Counterstrike, and finds himself in a special school because it could cause problems with Terrorirsm. I bet you could google for them there plans anyhoo!
Yes, we are back from the big smoke.
While away, I met a guy called Jake. It appears that Jake has a few problems, of one thing and another. He seemed to be spinning out somewhat. It was truly odd, I felt that I should talk to him. So we did. We talked, about how JC could help him, about how he should stop fixating on the idea that he needs a girlfriend to get through life, and about how if he gives himself to helping others, then JC will come and help him. I told him to read “John”, my favourite chapter of the bible. It made me realise how much better I need to know the bible, but also how much I need to walk this path. I reached out my hand to him, and he took it, not bad for a guy who at the start of it shyed away from people he’d known for years
Later, I met another guy. He’d just lost his father, and was great fun. I could see so much pain, and just wished that there was a way I could reach him. He claims he’s not religious a “devout atheist” he refered to himself as. The only message of hope I could think of to give him was “Just because you don’t belive in God, doesn’t mean he doesn’t belive in you”. I hope it helped.
During my time away, it was suggested that the reason that I’m spending a lot of my life feeling tired, is a thing called “Sleep Apnia”, which means that I don’t breath enough at night. This at least has a ring of truth, because I’ve been told by successive women that I do indeed stop breathing at night. This is a bad thing, apparently, and it means that I might not be getting enough oxygen into my brain at night, and so causing my brain to raise me in conciousness a little to cause me to start breathing again (lest I die, obviously). The problem being, of course, the raising level of conciousness.
It appears that in order to combat it, I have to loose weight, and to start sleeping either more upright, or more on my side. I will confess to being a little overweight, but I never really thought that it would affect my sleep. I’ve spent that last two nights tryign to make concious efforts to “breath” in the night, whenever I feel myself being roused, I’ve taken large breaths, and re-adjusted the way I was lying to breath better. I don’t know if it’s working yet. I will say that I have felt a little more awake, but then, I’ve just got back from my first holiday in ages, and I’m not really (on the scale of things) any more awake than I would be on a “good day”.
Well, I suppose I should go and do “some” work.
So am I. Somewhere along the lines I volunteered to go along for a holiday in London. It’s quite… different. I am, however, oddly having fun. I think it’s a great way to relax considering my up-comming meeting with the Vocational guidence Councilor on Tuesday 8th May. Oddly, however, it was pointed out to me that I may not have told Sian about my choice of path. I suppose I should really.
Managed to find meself a book on heiroglyphs, should be enteretaining and allow me to irritate the Snakes on DofE with actually quotations. Though I how I actually do that online is beyond me. It will make for some interesting puzzles.
I also picked myself up a book on understanding Revelations. I suppose I should note that I did get it from an Evangelical Church, we’ll see what kind of slant there is on it. Of course, I’m still very jaded with this kind of thing. It’s goign to take me a while to see the “good” in it all. I know it’s there, somewhere, just gotta find it.
Despite everything, it’s still I path I want to walk. I think I really should at some point write my memoirs. Even if they are no accessible online, I think it would be an interesting read, though there might be a lot of it.
So, hopefully all you out there in netland are having a good time. See you anon.
It seems that ever since my decision to truly walk this path, I keep running up against people who are really lost. It’s like they are drawn to me like a moth to the flame.
I discovered last week that an old acquaintance of mine, in America has Leukemia. Last night I discovered it was Terminal.
We met over the internet, mostly playing an online RPG.
I asked her, as one does, how she was coping. She told me she wasn’t, and I asked her what precisely was getting to her.
She said: “Because I don’t know Why. Am I really such a bad person? I got out of an abusive relationship less than a year ago, and I’ve started putting my life back together, and now this. What did I do that was so wrong? Why does He hate me so much?”.
I have to confess I wasn’t ready for this. I knew that at some piont I’d have this conversation with her, but I figured I’d have at least had time to gather my thoughts, perhaps have a word with my Vicar, get some advice. But there it was. I felt she needed a bit of help, a bit of support. I’m too far away, so there’s really onely one tool I have.
I told her that I had recently decided to join the Church, and so she really was talking to the right person. The only thing I could do was sympathise, and tell her that occasionally God takes those more deseriving. Then an odd idea struck me. There are many stories out there about terminal patients who light up the lives of those around them, and leave their stories as a comfort to thousands. I thought I’d start there.
I told her about a documentary I once saw, I belive it was entitled “the boy who’s skin fell off”. It was a documentary written and narreted by the boy himself. I think he was 10, but he was very eloquent, so perhaps he was a little older. he told of the joy that life had brought him, and how he’d endevoured to just enjoy the days as much as he could, because he didn’t have many of them, and he didn’t want to spend the time arguing with those that were dear to him, and nither, he presumes, did they. I pointed to this boy’s strength as an example of the miracles that my friend would see. Friends helping, people just being people around her. God doing his amazing thing and genrally surprising you. I told her she was most likely to see more of these miracles, as preparation for entering the Kingdom of Heaven.
I was begning to feel like a fundamentalist. Ringing the Bible Bashing Bell. I have to admit I was sinking fast, and most definately without any sort of boyancy aid. I needed help. The most difficult thing to do is to know when you are over your head. I asked Meg what she thought. As usual, she had the answer “there’s not enough of you in it”. Then it came to me. Jenni. My friend from university who had died. She had a heart condition and a lung condition which (as far as I remember) required a transplant, or she was not going to make it. I recall at the time that we bearly knew she was ill.
I told my friend all about Jenni. More particularly about her funeral. How we, as her friends, had managed to make her last moments on earth (from what we could see, in her own words, letters and what she had told friends and family), an amazing time. All we did was a few simple things. A simple birthday party, simple concern.
I told her that the Mysterious Ways that people had been quoting at her, as people often do when they have nothign to say to a terminal patient were simply these things. Here I was, the right person, at the right time, talking ot her, helping her, having had the strenth to thelp from a friend of mine that I had lost. I told her if she enjoyed the life that was still with her, then she would see God’s hand helping her, the way it had helped Jenni. I told her that God would be with her.
She had logged off before I finished. I don’t know if she got it all, or why she logged off. Perhaps I went too far.
I hope it helped.
For the record, Jenni didn’t belive in anything. She was buried with a humanist ceremony.
She, infact, was the first person I ever truly prayed for. I prayed that God would watch her soul.
I really am bad at keepign these things in order. Thursday I was invited to go and speak to the Vicar about my joining the church. It seemed to go well, and, as he put it, “The hand of God was upon me”. Quite odd I thought, but I’m not going to argue with the man.
I’ve been put forward to talk to the “Vocational Guidance Councilor”, and no, I don’t want to be a lion-tamer. I am fully aware that they are huge beasts with large fluffy manes.
I will have to take another degree in Theology (presumably, but the vicar didn’t say). I was also invited along to a discussion about the Bible on Tuesday, at 7:30. I figure that I should go along, it’ll help me get to know people and find my way around.
Sunday service was good. I may have to steal a few ideas. I’m tempted actually to start keeping a few notes here about some of the things I liked. Actually, I really should get ahold of a notebook and do it that way. Though I have been saying that for days.
Well, what a week.
DS has managed to get himself an interview at the Uni for an operator job, and I managed to finally make that call to the vicar. We meet on Thursday, at 4:30. Also, at some point on Monday, I got press-ganged into joining the Computer Section football team.
Yes Folks, I may have to go and buy shorts, and well, Trainers. Ugh.
Can you belive it?
I keep thinking about things, about how life tends to throw you those curve balls. I have to say that this recent Road that I’m on really does seem to be the obvious answer. It kinda scares me. Nothing is normally this obvious, normally there’s a lot of umming and aahing, and generally me spending ages to take the risk. There’s somethign different about this path.
The past month has been a bit of a roller-coaster. Most times I have to stop and remind myself that it’s only been a month. I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. I’ve met new people, I’ve had some painful conversations with old friends, and I’ve finally said good-bye to some old lovers. Despite the pain, despite the doubt, there’s this odd certanty that this path is going to keep snowballing in a good way unless I decide to derail it.
There in, of course, lies the problem. For the first time, it’s all dependant on Me. I’ve spent a lot of my life shifting responsibility for things onto other people, but now, I’m taking all responsibility. I’m even learning to take responsibility for my actions. I’m changing, becoming a new person. Hopefully not loosing the spark that’s got me here, and hopefully walking out of it a better person, a stronger person.
Who would belive that it was possible?
I spent a lot of my life hopeing that someone would just come along and listen to my storm. I’ve spent so much time talking to other people, helping them through their storms, that I tendted to put myself at the back. This person actually bothered to stop and listen, and well, just having a way of releasing some of that managed to give me the strength to change.
Right… Off to buy Shorts. (sorry for runing y our summers people).