The Diseased Imaginings of a Tainted Mind
It had been a busy day. She swung herself on to the bus, and flashed her electronic ticket. She caught herself in the drivers mirror, and gave the work-weary woman that looked back a tired smile. He ran her fingers through her brown hair trying to pull it’s unruly strands into something resembling a smile. Her brown looked back at her, and she gave her reflection a resigned shrug.
Good afternoon everyone.
Last night was a late night, with very litle true sleep, more simply following unconcious. Having spent some time talking to people, it seems that the things that I should choose to build myself on, is the things I have chosen to become. There are things that I have fought to keep, despite everything.
So, what happened to day one?
I spent the day writing. 8k plus words an rising. This is mostly me trying to find out what the hell is wrong. I’still feeling very sad, and still very reluctant to move on, do anythinhg useful.
It feelks very much like being actually sad. I think it’s because I have given myself permissin to be sad. That said, i was up until 4 am, mostly writing, and so today’s me is mostly brought to you by caffine and tiredness.
So, I didn’t leave today.
I got everything packed, the only thing left to do is to put the water into the van and then I’m done.
The reason I didn’t leave today was the weather. There was snow, just as I was thinking of leaving. The moment I decided to stay, I felt a lot better. I’ve also decided that my original plan of Plymouth was, perhaps, a little too ambitious. I don’t have another destination, yet, but I think I’m going to roam along highways and byways that I’m most comfortable in, at least to begin with. (more…)
I don’t want to go.
Tomorrow, or possibly the day after, I’m due for a holiday. A break where I get away form it all.
All, except me, of course.
See, the thing is, over the last 2 years, I’ve been slowly getting sadder, and I’ve not really had time to deal with it. I’ve been busy dealing with the fact that everyone else is sad for the same reasons. I always figured that eventually they would be able to sort themselves out, and then it would be time for me.
That didn’t happen. (more…)
If your wondering why this blog has been a little slow (I mean, is anyone still even reading this?), it’s because I’ve been busy working on a new project, a small e-publishing house.
For the last 3 years we have produced a Midwinter Anthology, and this year we have stepped up our game.
We have Twitter: @Jara23_Press
And of course Facebook: Jara23Publishing
And your standard website: http://press.jara23.co.uk
Go and download it, it’s FREE!
Many people are now trying to work out why Trump won, and for those in the UK, why on earth a country that gets more money in support from EU would vote to do with out it.
If, like me, you’ve spent a bit of time being annoyed that the ps4 doesn’t play all the file formats that you would like, there is now an easy way of making it all work as you would like.
These instructions are for Linux.
A long time ago, I read an article by Christine Miserandino about Spoon Theory. By now, pretty much everyone has heard of a paraphrase of her ideas. It explains how people with hidden illnesses run out of energy much quicker than people without them. You can read a cached version of her article here
Recently, it has occurred to me that people in the caring profession have a problem that is analogous, that I would like to call “Care Spoons“.
Life is not Monopoly.
Monopoly is the kind of game where you get to pick a little model, a dog, or a top hat to represent you, and then everyone takes it in turns to move around the board. Success is measured in only one way: Money. Funny Money. The one with all of the money at the end wins.
Life is not Monopoly.
There is a tendency in modern society for everyone to assume that we are all playing the same game. That we all have the same win condition. That everyone’s win condition(s) are the same. Family, Money, Children. That these win conditions are what everyone should be compared too.
People are tricked into believing this, because like so many MMO’s, we are all playing on the same server. We can see everyone else’s character, and we are all stuck by the same set of game mechanics, rules, and laws. For many people, this means that we must be all working to the same set of win conditions.
It is this frame work that mean that people feel that it is necessary to point out how far ahead of the ‘game’ they are to all those around them. Look at me, I’m winning.
“Your Job earns 15K? well, yes, mine only gets me 21K…”
The problem is that we’re not all playing the same game. We’re just in the same world. My goals, are not your goals. We might have the same set of achievements available to us (Get Married: Achievement Unlocked, Get a House: Achievement Unlocked…), but that doesn’t mean that we all want them.
The best analogy here is that we’re all playing different character types. You’re playing, say, a Money Grabbing Bastard, and I’m playing, say a Filthy Hippy. This means that sure, I can Get Married, and get the bonuses that go with it, but they don’t have as many bonuses for my character. In fact, having money isn’t going to get me as much life XP as it would for your Money Grabbing Bastard. You can also get the achievement “Went To Glastonbury, and do not remember”, but you wouldn’t get anything out of it.
The problem with the Media, with Television, and with the appearance of popular culture is that everyone is playing Basic White Male as a race, and Money Grabbing Bastard as a class. Except that we’re not. In the last update, the worked out that gender is predominantly irrelevant to most achievements, and so is race. Our Character Model can (and should) look however we damn well please, because that shouldn’t stop us from getting the most important achievement “Happiness”.
Society would be so much better if people were just honest about it.
We’ve all had conversations where we say things like “I’ve just got achievement X, I’m so psyched” to have someone respond with “Oh, yeah, but I got X, then Y.” generally in a dismissive term. For them, they are far ahead of you in the game, and they are showing how much better they are at it. What they fail to understand is that achievement has a completely different meaning, and requirement for your Race/Class/Goal combination. If everyone just realised that, when someone shares their achievement, it’s because from their perspective, their character, their goal, it’s a big thing, not a challenge, not an attack, not a test to see who’s winning, but simply wanting to share with a friend their achievement, and everyone just damn well celebrated the world would be a better place.
Life is a game. It’s not competitive. It’s generally co-operative. Sure you can play it competitively, but mostly your playing against yourself, or your own imagined competitor. Even those who seem to be playing the same game as you, are playing a subtly different version, with different difficulties and side-quests.
That’s why someone gives up a career to live in Borneo. That’s why someone else works in a job they hate. They are playing a different game.
We can help each other, we can show other people cheat guides. We can give in-game money, support, and products to other people. We can show them the routes we took. We can give them all the advice about the things we’ve learned. For some it will help. The core mechanics are the core mechanics. We can’t however demand that they chase our goals, because that’s not their game.
If you are one of those people that believes that this game of life has only one set of goals, one set of win-conditions, and are instant that that’s the game everyone should play, stop it.
Seriously, Stop It.
Your ruining the game for everyone.
It’s interesting to me how many status I see posted by people I know declaring how they are now doing this new thing with their understanding of themselves. Be it coming out as Gay, Trans, or perhaps a new tattoo. All of these things are to be commended. In fact, I think that each and every one of them is stupendously brave.